Here we sit in San Francisco... it's OK we are waiting for our connecting flight. As I sit I beban to reflect on what it took to take this trip. First, must know that Ron felt, in his heart and soul, that if we did not go now he would never make it to Disney World. Who am i to stand in his way.
I have said it before and I will say it again, Ron and I plan for the what ifs. We over plan and plan for what could go wrong. We have always done this and always will.
Questions we had to ask ourselves:
1. Is Ron well enough to travel
2. Can we take his medications
3. What if the medications go missing
4. How do we efficiently get from one terminal to the next when changing flights
5. How do we best get around Disney World with a man with limited lumg capacity
6. And the list goes on...
With great resources we found the pieces falling into place. Once at the Victoria airport this morning I ordered a wheelchair to be waiting in San Fran and Orlando upon our arrival. This will assure that we can travel swiftly from one area of the airport to the next Little did I know the wheelchair came with a person. Best tip I ever paid for.
Ron has also ordered a scooter for Orlando. It will be dropped off when we arrive and picked up by the ScootaRound people when we leave.
Meds have been no problem so far...
The flight was two hours of a crying child. We expect his ears were bothering him but the added bonus was the massage effect when his feet kept kicking the back of my seat. All in a days travel.
Internet in the San Fran airport is limited to 45 minutes free so please stay tuned for more updates at our vacation experience unfolds.
We get to Orlando about 9 PM so will likely update blog tomorrow. Life with Ron is a journey so this vacation will be no different!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
"What is right with the world?"
This is a famous quote by Dewitt Jones, famed National Geographic Photographer. When he would arrive on assignment and, in his mind, there were too many clouds in the sky or not enough clouds. Perhaps the sun was too high in the sky or there would be no sun at all on that day. Whatever the reason for his shoot to be less than optimum, he decided to look at things differently. He decided to look at what was right rather than what was wrong. For Dewitt and other photographers the difference between a good shot and a great shot was as little as a millimetre; a millimeter to the left or to the right, a millimetre higher or lower.
You see folks, Ron and I (with thanks to my friend Caroline) were introduced to this concept a few years ago. Not only did it help with our photography, you could say it changed our outlook on life. Often we will say out loud, “What is right with the world?”.
January 4 we found ourselves at the doctor office. Stabalizing and putting Ron on a long acting formula is the goal. Ron had been taking medication every 6 hours. The long acting formula will mean he has to remember only twice a day – that will be a relief for both of us. After a visit to the doctor it was up to the Comox Valley for physio early on January 5.
Ron is receiving IMS treatments. There are many professionals who practice IMS. Believe me when I say, you will know when you have the right professional. Eddy in Courtenay hits the magic spots for Ron and he gets the relief he needs from his knotted muscles. This therapy, coupled with the pain meds is letting Ron sleep. If you didn’t know a sinister tumour was growing in his chest, you might not know there is anything affecting Ron’s health except for his shortness of breath.
Ironically, it was my birthday on January 5 and I was delighted to receive birthday wishes (and some wine) from family, friends and Ron. As I have not opened his Christmas card he wondered if purchasing a birthday card would be a waste of money – ha ha, Harris! I was having a good day and while it was very emotional, I found the strength to open and read the card. We embraced each other for several minutes. Nothing more needs to said about that.
A new symptom reared its ugly head on Wednesday morning – swelling of the feet and predominately the left foot. After consultation with the pharmacist in Comox it was time to head home and back to the doctor to sort this out. Does it mean more meds? We will see. I must say, medications are getting confusing but with both of us, we will sort this out.
We have also had a call from the Radiation Oncologist. We are thinking that they are rethinking the opportunity of having radiation therapy. We will find out on January 21, the day after we arrive home from DizWorld.
For Ron’s comfort, we have ordered wheelchair assist in the airports and a scooter for Disney World. He has been checking out canes. I asked what the heck for. Ron’s reply... while I ride the scooter, I can whack anyone in my way so I can get to the rides faster. The cane had butterflies on it so perhaps he is also getting in touch with his feminine side. All kidding aside, we have received great advice from reliable sources for making our trip easier for me and as enjoyable as possible for Ron. Two more sleeps and we are up, up and away! I will be taking my mini computer so stay tuned to the blog for Diz update.
For Ron and I, and with your help, we will continue to look at what is right with the world. We will continue to turn our days from good to great by moving a millimetre to the left, a millimetre to the right, higher or lower.
You see folks, Ron and I (with thanks to my friend Caroline) were introduced to this concept a few years ago. Not only did it help with our photography, you could say it changed our outlook on life. Often we will say out loud, “What is right with the world?”.
January 4 we found ourselves at the doctor office. Stabalizing and putting Ron on a long acting formula is the goal. Ron had been taking medication every 6 hours. The long acting formula will mean he has to remember only twice a day – that will be a relief for both of us. After a visit to the doctor it was up to the Comox Valley for physio early on January 5.
Ron is receiving IMS treatments. There are many professionals who practice IMS. Believe me when I say, you will know when you have the right professional. Eddy in Courtenay hits the magic spots for Ron and he gets the relief he needs from his knotted muscles. This therapy, coupled with the pain meds is letting Ron sleep. If you didn’t know a sinister tumour was growing in his chest, you might not know there is anything affecting Ron’s health except for his shortness of breath.
Ironically, it was my birthday on January 5 and I was delighted to receive birthday wishes (and some wine) from family, friends and Ron. As I have not opened his Christmas card he wondered if purchasing a birthday card would be a waste of money – ha ha, Harris! I was having a good day and while it was very emotional, I found the strength to open and read the card. We embraced each other for several minutes. Nothing more needs to said about that.
A new symptom reared its ugly head on Wednesday morning – swelling of the feet and predominately the left foot. After consultation with the pharmacist in Comox it was time to head home and back to the doctor to sort this out. Does it mean more meds? We will see. I must say, medications are getting confusing but with both of us, we will sort this out.
We have also had a call from the Radiation Oncologist. We are thinking that they are rethinking the opportunity of having radiation therapy. We will find out on January 21, the day after we arrive home from DizWorld.
For Ron’s comfort, we have ordered wheelchair assist in the airports and a scooter for Disney World. He has been checking out canes. I asked what the heck for. Ron’s reply... while I ride the scooter, I can whack anyone in my way so I can get to the rides faster. The cane had butterflies on it so perhaps he is also getting in touch with his feminine side. All kidding aside, we have received great advice from reliable sources for making our trip easier for me and as enjoyable as possible for Ron. Two more sleeps and we are up, up and away! I will be taking my mini computer so stay tuned to the blog for Diz update.
For Ron and I, and with your help, we will continue to look at what is right with the world. We will continue to turn our days from good to great by moving a millimetre to the left, a millimetre to the right, higher or lower.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011 Will Be A Happy New Year
It has been quite some time since I have turned on the computer. I have numerous reasons with the foremost being Ron. It is no secret that he means everything to me; he completes me. So, to see Ron’s face pale with pain, his posture humped to find comfort or his conversations and focus fragmented it gnaws at me from the inside out.
The pain, so we thought, was due to a pulled muscle or stress culminating in his back muscles. Easy to fix one might think. Not so, we found out. I had Ron visit no less than five physical treatment professionals; chiro, physio, and targeted pain management. Oh, he did respond to the physical treatment albeit, temporarily. The week of Dec 20th to 23rd was difficult for me to leave him while I went to work. Keep in mind, we believed the therapy he was undergoing would do the trick and he would eventually be pain free. Surely by Christmas the pain would subside. Not so.
December 23
Ron, being the trooper he is, endured the three hour Volvo ride to the Comox Valley. It was the worst driving conditions I had experienced in years: rain, blackness, and wind. We were comfortable and safe in our new Volvo.
December 24
Bill and Leanne, graciously hosted our families at their house for Christmas Eve dinner, complete with Santa. We will never, ever lose sight of the depth of our friendship... you two have given new meaning to the word. We worked side by side to cook, tidy and set up for family to arrive. Gracie, Bill and Leanne’s three year old, was excited that our grand kids were coming over. They had a great evening together with Santa being the show stopper – he came all the way from the North Pole, so three year old Amelia tells us. Stewart, Meghan, Kirsten and Ryan, it made Ron’s Christmas to spend it with you and your families. You made Christmas Eve happy and joyous. Thank you for joining us!
December 25
Did you know that cancer does not recognize Christmas nor any other holiday for that matter. Ron managed and was able to add some humour to the day. We exchanged gifts. It was very difficult. As I observed his movements, his comments and his desire to enjoy the day, I could not help but wonder if this would be my last Christmas with him. Ron’s two kids, Kirsten and Ryan, joined us for breakfast before heading back to Victoria. The rest of the day for Ron was spent trying to find a position in order to sleep more than half an hour. Ron’s sleeps were more like power naps. He would swear he was in a deep sleep for a couple hours but it was only minutes. We had the best day we could, it was quiet but we were not alone. For me, being with Bill, Leanne and Gracie was consoling; it was vital. Ron’s sleepless nights continued, the pain continued despite the varied treatments.
December 26
Ron had reached the end of his rope. He requested a visit to emergency. It was not meant to be. The wait was 2, 3 maybe 4 hours before he could be seen. Ron could not manage the wait at the hospital; he could not be still. I felt desperate. Ron and I see ourselves as givers, not receivers. This whole experience has been humbling; taking, taking and more taking from caring and generous friends and family. In my desperation for Ron, I called on Eddy and Donna our good friends (Eddy, a physio). Could you come and give Ron emergency IMS? It is December 26 and I am frantic. We met Eddy at The Joint. We all had a little cry and a huddle. Yes, we still have moments of disbelief that this is all happening. Eddy was able to offer Ron some relief. We went home to Mulholland and Ron slept soundly for a couple of hours. Thank you, Eddy. We love you!
December 27
Despite all the physical treatments, the pain, In fact, intensified and a new dimension was added... pressure in the chest. Off to emergency we trundled. It was 3:00 AM. As we left the house on Mulhholland, Ron paused to comment of the twinkling stars and the clarity of the morning sky. He even thought we should be setting up tripods and capturing the stars on camera. He loves looking at the stars. When Ron writes me a card he often signs “ I will love you until all the stars fall from the sky”.
The staff at St. Josephs Hospital was wonderful. Ron had the full attention of one nurse who gave him morphine every 10 minutes until the pain subsided and he slept pain free. He had his heart checked and another CT (with contrast) done. The results... blood clots. As Ron slept, I silently wept. With Ron awake and digesting the news, the nurse gave him instructions on how to self inject the blood clot medications. Ron would have to inject each day for the rest of his life. OK, just a little bump in the road... it is not the end of the road.... it’s not the end of the road... it is not the end of the road. Once back home on Muholland Drive, Ron slept in the snippets he could find comfort. I slept for a couple hours and felt much better. I even slept through my ringing phone... a message from the emergency doctor. I listened, listened again and listened again. I jumped up and put the cell phone on speaker for both Ron and Bill to listen – ‘I apologize, there has been a mistake in the reading of the image, there are no blood clots.” I cannot explain how I felt at that moment. Jubilant comes to mind. That feeling was short lived as we still have to find the source of pain in Ron’s back...
December 28
A number of days ago, it was recommended we see an MD who practices (for lack of a better description) ‘needling’ for pain. He happened to call on Dec 27. As I was fatigued, I was not thinking straight and told him we would be home later on Dec 28. Ron could see him on Dec 29. This morning Ron’s sleep deprivation and grimacing reminded me that we needed to find some relief and find it soon. My telephone call and email to Dr Siren resulted in a reply call saying that he could see Ron at 1 PM today. We literally threw our belongings into the Volvo and headed for home. Once finished at Dr. Siren’s office Ron needed to head home to sleep. Again there was some relief. Tomorrow we visit Ron’s doctor, Andrea.
December 29
You gotta love drugs. Medication was ordered up! Between Dr. Lewis and oncologist Dr. MacPherson the news was delivered to us that the tumor was growing and starting to penetrate the chest lining. That is what is causing the pain, not a muscle as originally thought. That explains why Ron did not respond to any physical treatments. While we are extremely saddened that the cancer is spreading faster than anticipated, we are elated that Ron is on medication and has found some relief within a few short hours.
Conclusion To This Post
As I write this post, I have yet to open the Christmas card from Ron. I am so afraid it will be the last. In hindsight, I feel that I have been numb these past few days. People wishing me or us a Happy New Year catches me off guard. I have to stop, be positive and believe... it will be as happy as we make it.
Ron has no use of his left lung. The tumour is spreading faster than we like to accept. While we cannot see the cancer everyday Ron is living with the affects and symptoms; shortness of breath, fatigue, pain, numbness and tingling in left arm, and side effects from drugs. These are only the physical. I can only imagine what is going through his mind. Perhaps one day, he will write and share. I know he will when he is ready.
Ironically, a neighbour lost her husband early in the fall. She is facing the first year of occasions on her own. Periodically thoughts will invade my mind; will this be our last Christmas, will this be our last Happy New Year celebration, will this be my last birthday with Ron... these thoughts are invasions and not welcome. I have to take these stormings and deliberately push them away to let the positive thoughts of the moment flood my mind. I look at Ron, my lip turns up in part snicker, part smile and I know that I have him in my life today and tonight. Love is grand. He can still put a smile on my face, light me up and warm me from the inside out.
Saturday (Jan 8) we leave for Orlando, Florida. Ron wants to visit Disney World and of course Harry Potter!
A heartfelt thank you to Tim and Tara for offering to take Winston. Twelve days will be the longest we have ever been away from him in the ten years he has adopted us. We know he will be loved and spoiled while we are gone!
The pain, so we thought, was due to a pulled muscle or stress culminating in his back muscles. Easy to fix one might think. Not so, we found out. I had Ron visit no less than five physical treatment professionals; chiro, physio, and targeted pain management. Oh, he did respond to the physical treatment albeit, temporarily. The week of Dec 20th to 23rd was difficult for me to leave him while I went to work. Keep in mind, we believed the therapy he was undergoing would do the trick and he would eventually be pain free. Surely by Christmas the pain would subside. Not so.
December 23
Ron, being the trooper he is, endured the three hour Volvo ride to the Comox Valley. It was the worst driving conditions I had experienced in years: rain, blackness, and wind. We were comfortable and safe in our new Volvo.
December 24
Bill and Leanne, graciously hosted our families at their house for Christmas Eve dinner, complete with Santa. We will never, ever lose sight of the depth of our friendship... you two have given new meaning to the word. We worked side by side to cook, tidy and set up for family to arrive. Gracie, Bill and Leanne’s three year old, was excited that our grand kids were coming over. They had a great evening together with Santa being the show stopper – he came all the way from the North Pole, so three year old Amelia tells us. Stewart, Meghan, Kirsten and Ryan, it made Ron’s Christmas to spend it with you and your families. You made Christmas Eve happy and joyous. Thank you for joining us!
December 25
Did you know that cancer does not recognize Christmas nor any other holiday for that matter. Ron managed and was able to add some humour to the day. We exchanged gifts. It was very difficult. As I observed his movements, his comments and his desire to enjoy the day, I could not help but wonder if this would be my last Christmas with him. Ron’s two kids, Kirsten and Ryan, joined us for breakfast before heading back to Victoria. The rest of the day for Ron was spent trying to find a position in order to sleep more than half an hour. Ron’s sleeps were more like power naps. He would swear he was in a deep sleep for a couple hours but it was only minutes. We had the best day we could, it was quiet but we were not alone. For me, being with Bill, Leanne and Gracie was consoling; it was vital. Ron’s sleepless nights continued, the pain continued despite the varied treatments.
December 26
Ron had reached the end of his rope. He requested a visit to emergency. It was not meant to be. The wait was 2, 3 maybe 4 hours before he could be seen. Ron could not manage the wait at the hospital; he could not be still. I felt desperate. Ron and I see ourselves as givers, not receivers. This whole experience has been humbling; taking, taking and more taking from caring and generous friends and family. In my desperation for Ron, I called on Eddy and Donna our good friends (Eddy, a physio). Could you come and give Ron emergency IMS? It is December 26 and I am frantic. We met Eddy at The Joint. We all had a little cry and a huddle. Yes, we still have moments of disbelief that this is all happening. Eddy was able to offer Ron some relief. We went home to Mulholland and Ron slept soundly for a couple of hours. Thank you, Eddy. We love you!
December 27
Despite all the physical treatments, the pain, In fact, intensified and a new dimension was added... pressure in the chest. Off to emergency we trundled. It was 3:00 AM. As we left the house on Mulhholland, Ron paused to comment of the twinkling stars and the clarity of the morning sky. He even thought we should be setting up tripods and capturing the stars on camera. He loves looking at the stars. When Ron writes me a card he often signs “ I will love you until all the stars fall from the sky”.
The staff at St. Josephs Hospital was wonderful. Ron had the full attention of one nurse who gave him morphine every 10 minutes until the pain subsided and he slept pain free. He had his heart checked and another CT (with contrast) done. The results... blood clots. As Ron slept, I silently wept. With Ron awake and digesting the news, the nurse gave him instructions on how to self inject the blood clot medications. Ron would have to inject each day for the rest of his life. OK, just a little bump in the road... it is not the end of the road.... it’s not the end of the road... it is not the end of the road. Once back home on Muholland Drive, Ron slept in the snippets he could find comfort. I slept for a couple hours and felt much better. I even slept through my ringing phone... a message from the emergency doctor. I listened, listened again and listened again. I jumped up and put the cell phone on speaker for both Ron and Bill to listen – ‘I apologize, there has been a mistake in the reading of the image, there are no blood clots.” I cannot explain how I felt at that moment. Jubilant comes to mind. That feeling was short lived as we still have to find the source of pain in Ron’s back...
December 28
A number of days ago, it was recommended we see an MD who practices (for lack of a better description) ‘needling’ for pain. He happened to call on Dec 27. As I was fatigued, I was not thinking straight and told him we would be home later on Dec 28. Ron could see him on Dec 29. This morning Ron’s sleep deprivation and grimacing reminded me that we needed to find some relief and find it soon. My telephone call and email to Dr Siren resulted in a reply call saying that he could see Ron at 1 PM today. We literally threw our belongings into the Volvo and headed for home. Once finished at Dr. Siren’s office Ron needed to head home to sleep. Again there was some relief. Tomorrow we visit Ron’s doctor, Andrea.
December 29
You gotta love drugs. Medication was ordered up! Between Dr. Lewis and oncologist Dr. MacPherson the news was delivered to us that the tumor was growing and starting to penetrate the chest lining. That is what is causing the pain, not a muscle as originally thought. That explains why Ron did not respond to any physical treatments. While we are extremely saddened that the cancer is spreading faster than anticipated, we are elated that Ron is on medication and has found some relief within a few short hours.
December 31
Doug and Karen, thank you so very much for making our New Year's celebration a happy one. You company, excellent food and of course copious amounts of wine were very much appreciated. We are thankful that Ron felt well enough to participate!
Conclusion To This Post
As I write this post, I have yet to open the Christmas card from Ron. I am so afraid it will be the last. In hindsight, I feel that I have been numb these past few days. People wishing me or us a Happy New Year catches me off guard. I have to stop, be positive and believe... it will be as happy as we make it.
Ron has no use of his left lung. The tumour is spreading faster than we like to accept. While we cannot see the cancer everyday Ron is living with the affects and symptoms; shortness of breath, fatigue, pain, numbness and tingling in left arm, and side effects from drugs. These are only the physical. I can only imagine what is going through his mind. Perhaps one day, he will write and share. I know he will when he is ready.
Ironically, a neighbour lost her husband early in the fall. She is facing the first year of occasions on her own. Periodically thoughts will invade my mind; will this be our last Christmas, will this be our last Happy New Year celebration, will this be my last birthday with Ron... these thoughts are invasions and not welcome. I have to take these stormings and deliberately push them away to let the positive thoughts of the moment flood my mind. I look at Ron, my lip turns up in part snicker, part smile and I know that I have him in my life today and tonight. Love is grand. He can still put a smile on my face, light me up and warm me from the inside out.
Saturday (Jan 8) we leave for Orlando, Florida. Ron wants to visit Disney World and of course Harry Potter!
A heartfelt thank you to Tim and Tara for offering to take Winston. Twelve days will be the longest we have ever been away from him in the ten years he has adopted us. We know he will be loved and spoiled while we are gone!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Janice's Workmates
Did I ever stop to tell you what a wonder bunch of people I work with. Friday they surprised me with a beautiful basked of CHOCOLATE. Yes, folks, you read it right. Everything a Chocoholic would want! Also included was a bottle... shhhhhh, don't tell anyone but it was a bottle of Baily's. Yum, yum!
To all of you at the Revenue Solutions Branch of the Ministry of Finance, I do not have the words to express how much your support means to me. Your kind words (both spoken and email), your hugs, the gentle touch on the shoulder - all of these gestures easily cause my eyes to leak. Many of you are the reason I can be so positive and strong. To know that I can come to work and be understoond and be my self makes my life so much easier. I cannot imagine having to stifle my personality. To each and every one of you, thank you for your kind and encouraging words in the beautiful Christmas card. Your words are very comforting to both me and Ron.
Wishing you all health and happiness in the years to come!
To all of you at the Revenue Solutions Branch of the Ministry of Finance, I do not have the words to express how much your support means to me. Your kind words (both spoken and email), your hugs, the gentle touch on the shoulder - all of these gestures easily cause my eyes to leak. Many of you are the reason I can be so positive and strong. To know that I can come to work and be understoond and be my self makes my life so much easier. I cannot imagine having to stifle my personality. To each and every one of you, thank you for your kind and encouraging words in the beautiful Christmas card. Your words are very comforting to both me and Ron.
Wishing you all health and happiness in the years to come!
Kids and Friends
To all our kids - we love you so much. Our conversations mean the world to us. To touch base with you, to hear about your days and the grand kids lightens our days tremendously. Keep the phone calls coming!
We are so looking forward to Christmas with you at Bill and Leanne's. Five more sleeps until Christmas Eve and Santa is going to visit the little ones before he makes his worldly rounds. I cannot wait!
To our friends - again, we cannot say enough about your thoughtfulness and generosity. Doug and Karen, dinner on Friday night and being able to use your beautiful home this weekend has been a blessing for Ron. He has indulged in a couple hot baths. The truth be known, while he is not yet sleeping through the night, his days have been more comfortable - enough so to go for a couple of walks with Winston. Dare I say we still had trouble with your TV system - I know, I know - it is a guy thing and Ron did work it out.
Len and Dawna your concern is self evident by looking at your faces! Dawna, I know while cutting Ron's hair it was like dealing with an ADHD child; not sitting still for more than a minute. Having witnessed that, perhaps that is what prompted you to think of the TENZ machine. I declare here and now that I believe it worked. While Ron is not back to his old self, he is significantly better.
To those of you who have invited us out recently, please accept our apologies for declining or cancelling invites. All of this is new to us and we realize that the energy required is greater than Ron currently has. We believe things will get better. A new year is just around the corner.
We are so looking forward to Christmas with you at Bill and Leanne's. Five more sleeps until Christmas Eve and Santa is going to visit the little ones before he makes his worldly rounds. I cannot wait!
To our friends - again, we cannot say enough about your thoughtfulness and generosity. Doug and Karen, dinner on Friday night and being able to use your beautiful home this weekend has been a blessing for Ron. He has indulged in a couple hot baths. The truth be known, while he is not yet sleeping through the night, his days have been more comfortable - enough so to go for a couple of walks with Winston. Dare I say we still had trouble with your TV system - I know, I know - it is a guy thing and Ron did work it out.
Len and Dawna your concern is self evident by looking at your faces! Dawna, I know while cutting Ron's hair it was like dealing with an ADHD child; not sitting still for more than a minute. Having witnessed that, perhaps that is what prompted you to think of the TENZ machine. I declare here and now that I believe it worked. While Ron is not back to his old self, he is significantly better.
To those of you who have invited us out recently, please accept our apologies for declining or cancelling invites. All of this is new to us and we realize that the energy required is greater than Ron currently has. We believe things will get better. A new year is just around the corner.
Toughest Week Yet
Friday, December 10 Ron came home - flew in from Seattle via Kenmore Air. He was the only passenger on the flight and said it was simply magnificent. The pilot was great, the weather was clear and the view was unbelievable. All this took his mind off the pain.
Let's back up the track. First, I want to say what unbelievable friends we have. Bill and Leanne, you support has been unwavering - you turn rainy days into sunny days, you help us believe that tomorrow will be easier than today. For that, we love and thank you.
I picked up Ron in the parking lot, Victoria Kenmore Air. I could tell that he was in pain. His colour was gray and his steps were pained. As soon as I got him in the car, we called a chiropractor to see if we could get in. With luck, we could see him that afternoon and again the next day. Ron's pain was not alleviated throughout the weekend.
As his wife, his friend I felt completely helpless. First thing Monday morning we had another appointment and also telephoned Dr Lewis. As promised, she saw us by noon that day.
X-rays were ordered up and medication prescribed. There was concern that the cancer had spread to the bone - the ribs- which caused the excruciating pain in Ron's back. I think it is needless to say, this news rendered us speechless. As the pain has caused two weeks of sleepless nights, endless restlessness and extreme frustration, we had no choice but to the pharmacy and get Ron medicated to find some level of relief.
Tuesday - it is time to Ron's IMS appointment. He admits there was maybe some relief but not nearly enough needed to sleep at night. Anxiety is now setting in... pacing, sweating, and Mr. Cranky-Pants. We are both exhausted and Ron more than me. The good news is that I spoke to Andrea (our Doctor) and the cancer has not spread to the bone. The not so good news is that the tumour has grown considerably since the last x-ray - a mere 5 weeks ago.
So, what are we dealing with - it has been determined that it is soft tissue damage; perhaps stress, perhaps a pulled muscle. Doesn't matter, we need to find Ron some relief from the pain and discomfort.
Wednesday - another appointment and a trip to the pool for some aqua therapy and the hot tub. Ron says it felt very good but did not fix anything by a long shot.
At our marina we have "The Floating Physio" - Barb Desjardins. She saw Ron on Thursday. He had a great appointment with her. There has been some relief but not nearly what he needs to sleep at night.
This has been the most exhausting and frustrating week yet. I have not even come close to what Ron has experienced. I can only imagine.
My heart goes out to you, my husband, my love. Believe me when I tell you that I am doing the best I can. It tears me up to see you in such pain and nothing is giving you any relief. It breaks my heart that I cannot hold you and take your pain away... I miss our snuggles and cuddles but understand that it is too painful. We will get through this.
Let's back up the track. First, I want to say what unbelievable friends we have. Bill and Leanne, you support has been unwavering - you turn rainy days into sunny days, you help us believe that tomorrow will be easier than today. For that, we love and thank you.
I picked up Ron in the parking lot, Victoria Kenmore Air. I could tell that he was in pain. His colour was gray and his steps were pained. As soon as I got him in the car, we called a chiropractor to see if we could get in. With luck, we could see him that afternoon and again the next day. Ron's pain was not alleviated throughout the weekend.
As his wife, his friend I felt completely helpless. First thing Monday morning we had another appointment and also telephoned Dr Lewis. As promised, she saw us by noon that day.
X-rays were ordered up and medication prescribed. There was concern that the cancer had spread to the bone - the ribs- which caused the excruciating pain in Ron's back. I think it is needless to say, this news rendered us speechless. As the pain has caused two weeks of sleepless nights, endless restlessness and extreme frustration, we had no choice but to the pharmacy and get Ron medicated to find some level of relief.
Tuesday - it is time to Ron's IMS appointment. He admits there was maybe some relief but not nearly enough needed to sleep at night. Anxiety is now setting in... pacing, sweating, and Mr. Cranky-Pants. We are both exhausted and Ron more than me. The good news is that I spoke to Andrea (our Doctor) and the cancer has not spread to the bone. The not so good news is that the tumour has grown considerably since the last x-ray - a mere 5 weeks ago.
So, what are we dealing with - it has been determined that it is soft tissue damage; perhaps stress, perhaps a pulled muscle. Doesn't matter, we need to find Ron some relief from the pain and discomfort.
Wednesday - another appointment and a trip to the pool for some aqua therapy and the hot tub. Ron says it felt very good but did not fix anything by a long shot.
At our marina we have "The Floating Physio" - Barb Desjardins. She saw Ron on Thursday. He had a great appointment with her. There has been some relief but not nearly what he needs to sleep at night.
This has been the most exhausting and frustrating week yet. I have not even come close to what Ron has experienced. I can only imagine.
My heart goes out to you, my husband, my love. Believe me when I tell you that I am doing the best I can. It tears me up to see you in such pain and nothing is giving you any relief. It breaks my heart that I cannot hold you and take your pain away... I miss our snuggles and cuddles but understand that it is too painful. We will get through this.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Humbled
OK, I will be the first to admit that sometimes I am quick to judge, not by what I know but by what I see. How many times have we heard (at least our generation has heard it) you cannot judge a book by its cover.
On Saturday, Ron and I had some chores to run; his physio appointment, gift buying and of course Ron's favourite - a hot dog from Costco. Yes Folks, he likes them so much we braved the crowds for a hot dog.
With Ron's energy level, he chose to find a table to sit and wait for me. I forged onwards to the bank machine (need cash to purchase HD), stand in line, get the drinks, and dress the hot dogs. All the while Ron is sitting and waiting. I had to get up a couple more times for napkins and such. Please do not conclude that Ron is lazy... he simply does not have the energy. I quite happily got us our lunch.
We both stopped short and realized that we had been humbled and wondered how many times had we sat and judged the exact behaviour we had just exhibited. We even said out loud "How many people are sitting and watching me do everything while you just sit". Little do they know that he does not have the stamina to take on the task of the Hot Dog in Costco. Little do we know the stories of the people we have judged. Ouch! We have decided that we will always ask ourselves, "What is their story?"
On Saturday, Ron and I had some chores to run; his physio appointment, gift buying and of course Ron's favourite - a hot dog from Costco. Yes Folks, he likes them so much we braved the crowds for a hot dog.
With Ron's energy level, he chose to find a table to sit and wait for me. I forged onwards to the bank machine (need cash to purchase HD), stand in line, get the drinks, and dress the hot dogs. All the while Ron is sitting and waiting. I had to get up a couple more times for napkins and such. Please do not conclude that Ron is lazy... he simply does not have the energy. I quite happily got us our lunch.
We both stopped short and realized that we had been humbled and wondered how many times had we sat and judged the exact behaviour we had just exhibited. We even said out loud "How many people are sitting and watching me do everything while you just sit". Little do they know that he does not have the stamina to take on the task of the Hot Dog in Costco. Little do we know the stories of the people we have judged. Ouch! We have decided that we will always ask ourselves, "What is their story?"
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