Time for me, at this moment has no meaning. It is a mere one hundred and fifty-four hours since Ron passed. That equates to just under 5 days. So much has had to be done. Sometimes it just does not seem to be fair at what must be done - funeral home, death certificates, sign here, sign there. Other tasks are a delight to do - these tasks bring a smile to my face and warm my heart for it is these tasks that cause me to truly remember Ron. I have had the pleasure of working with the kids to plan Ron's Celebration of Life. We have chosen Laurel Point Inn as the venue on February 28 at 1300. Please come celebrate with us.
Many of you have been asking how I am doing. Being honest and frank, I have to tell you that there is no joy in my life; there is no spring to my step; there is no laughter in my heart and no smile on my face. Yes, I may smile momentarily but that smile is soon replaced by sadness and emptiness. Do I cry? Absolutely. I weep when I go to bed at night. I sleep, then I cry when I awake. I find comfort and distraction from Meghan, Stewart, Kirsten and Ryan but it is short lived. During the day, waves of emotion engulf my spirit and I periodically find my self sobbing. Sometimes I wonder what brought it on and other times I know exactly what I was thinking. It might have been thoughts of Ron and Winston, Ron researching our next vacation, Ron cooking, or seeing the elation on his face when all sails are flying. For me, his presence was bigger than life. For me, the heartache is greater than I ever could have prepared for.
Thank you to our children, thank you to Bill and Leanne for putting up with me for the next few days. I know that I will have to be alone and I will face that challenge very soon. The reality is that I will have Ron in my heart gently guiding me, nudging me onwards, encouraging me and believing in me. It is what he has always done in all our days together. I will feel his love.