Yesterday while doing a couple chores I felt different. I didn't quite put my finger on it until I was walking along the boardwalk taking Winston for a stroll. I am feeling incomplete; there is half of me missing. This is not to say that I am not in my right mind, this is not to say that I cannot cope or make decisions. It means that I am at the marina with a great feeling of emptiness. Ron and I, in the true essence of the meaning shared a lifestyle. Something as simple as doing dishes is poignant chore for it was Ron who liked to do the dishes. Goddammit, he should be here doing the dishes. We would have great conversations while he did dishes and I worked on other tasks. I miss our everyday simplicity of just being.
Believe it or not, as soon as I get in the Volvo to head to the hospital, I immediately start to feel whole; I feel strong by the time I reach the hospital and am able to greet Ron with a smile, a hug and a kiss hello. I, too, see his face light up. Ron Harris, my husband, you complete me.
Where does the time go. Yesterday and today literally flew by. Neighbour Dave helped me change the macerater pump on the toilet. I am not electrically inclined so needed some assistance connecting the wires. It is not done the same way as with a house. Laundry was done so Ron could have fresh undies. OK, they are not undies and he is appalled when I call his jockies undies.
Doug and Karen, Ron is so enjoying the down quilt. Lyn, Kathy, Len, Doug, Tom and Keri and Spiff, thank you for your visit and of course your medicinal conversation about boats and bringing on the laughter. Tim, thank you for bringing Winston out for a visit. Ron finds joy simply by having Winston in the room with him.
Today thanks to Ken, Penny, Helen, Garth, Len, and Dawna another great day was had by Ron. Also, Ron was allowed out for a few hours. He must be demonstrating good behaviour. With Garth and Helen, we went into Sidney and walked along the waterfront, purchased slippers for Ron and indulged in a coffee at Starbucks. Winston spent the day with us and thank you to Tim for picking up Winston at the end of the day.
Just so you know, Ron has few needs. Food gifts in the past few days have included soup, cheese, crackers, chocolate, cookies, popcorn, peanuts, jujubes and fruit. Beverages include (yes believe it), Smirnoff Ice coolers, Pineapple coolers, red wine and two brands of scotch. Ron likes to have a night cap so indulge he will.
Ron's room # 1464 was great. It was at the end of the hall so not a lot of traffic passing by. It has a view of the field and best of all it is private - as all the rooms in palliative care are. The nurses have fallen in love with Winston so he comes in the back door and settles on his doggy bed nest to Ron's bed. Ron said he was very comfortable. We knew there were larger rooms and today I was thinking of how I could tactfully find out if Ron was eligible for one of these rooms should one become available. Not ten minutes after I had this thought did the nurse come in and ask me to come and look. It was a much larger room and Ron could have it if he wanted. I said, "Of course!". While we were out, Ron's belongings and stuff was moved to his new room. It has a separate door to the outside - a Winston door. I have come to the conclusion that I am not sure if the nurse offered it for Ron's benefit or Winston's.
Tomorrow we are looking forward to Stewart, Clare, Juliet and Amelia coming down from the Comox Valley to visit Poppa Ron.